Joy, Synergy, Tension

Balancing Community & Business:
The Joy
The Sunday morning circle nurtures my soul. Each week I feel blessed to be surrounded by the magnificent people that comprise our 'church'. This circles exemplifies everything I wanted to experience as a hostess of a creative community. Knitters from beginner to expert sharing their craft, patiently urging each other on and lovingly offering suggestions for improvement. Scientists, librarians, veterinarians, doctoral candidates, IT managers, developers, college administrators, advertising salespeople, lawyers and the list goes on. Many walks of life are represented in the room. And the dialogue is always respectful. As anyone who has ever sat with others to knit knows, the conversations go well beyond casting on and stitch patterns.

Religion, politics, sexuality, relationships, careers are all topics that are woven into the fabric of a knitting circle dialogue. The knitting is our 'warp' and life is our 'weft'. In our Sunday circle I am repeatedly impressed by the ability to traverse such sensitive topics without rancor and full of mutual respect. It is not always without tension. But there is a fierceness around the requirement for respect and compassion - you might even say 'right speech' (wink, wink Alice) - that buys us the patience to let things unfold and see how the fabric is coming out before ripping out all the work done to date. Newcomers are more than welcome and they are guided gently toward a quality of exchange that builds bonds and makes the space - dare I say it? - sacred.

Sunday is the 6th day of my work week. No matter how exhausted I am, though, I cannot miss Sunday circle if I'm in town. As the owner of Circles, the business, the Sunday group is my 'sine qua non.' Sunday and all the circles are what it is all about. I have a passion for knitting. It is my active meditation. But I could knit at home alone. And you don't get a lot of time for knitting when you own a yarn store. The deepest joy comes when I am knitting my life with others.

Synergy
The creative energy I get from the community feedback loop is immeasurable. So many good ideas and so many willing hands. It takes a village.... Because they feel connected to the people who work here, the feedback is given with genuine care and concern. The business definitely benefits from the embedded community.

When I feel that I have no more time or energy for the next big push that needs to happen at Circles, I can turn to the community for assistance. Need to plan a 2nd Anniversary celebration? Invite the community to a planning meeting and 10 people show up ready to get this thing going. Because they understand the need to have Circles succeed financially, they enthusiastically look for ways to make the day both joyous and profitable. The synergy of business and community is more than the sum of the two individual things.

Tension
The challenge is being the driver of both. Right along with the joy and the synergy are the moments when I feel pulled between the two entities I have birthed.

The social circles are open to all. Bring your project, whatever it is, no matter where you bought your materials. It is inspiring to see what's out there. But more than that, no knitter should have to bring only a part of their knitterly self. The circle would be a contrived experience if it were a requirment that you only work on projects purchased from Circles. It would change everything in the nature of the sharing; the feeling that you can be fully open at Circles.

The 'Visionary Philosopher' in me holds on hard to these ideals. Sometimes the "Pragmatist' in me is challenged to sit back and stay off the Social Circle Committee and have a little faith in the vision.

How does that vision feel when someone enters the circle perpetually bringing projects purchased elsewhere? Oddly enough that doesn't tweak the 'Pragmatist'. Not until said person keeps demanding technical assistance throughout the circle. A constant need for attention from everyone else, without noticing that people want to work on their own projects. And the 'Pragmatist' is even more tweaked when the technical assistance is desired because the pattern purchased elsewhere is far beyond the beginner knitter's skill level and the knitter can't get support from the shop where the purchase was made. Even more tweaked when the pattern has errors that require this shop owner to practically rewrite the pattern. How far can you push the 'Pragmatist' before she turn the committee table upside down and kicks everyone else off and takes over?

The answer is yet unknown. Certainly, there is an inner discourse that is heated. Yet, the beauty of the community is this: someone else usually points out that the circle is being abused before I have to. A solid voice from the corner says, "You know, there's probably a reason she doesn't sell that company's pattern. Perhaps you should buy one from Circles if you're going to need so much help." And that is enough.

Or sometimes, the one pushing the 'Pragmatist's' alarm button, gets it on her own. Like the time I spent an hour helping a customer pour through books for the perfect shawl pattern. She finds the perfect shawl but says she has to wait until next week to buy the book. Next week she pulls the book out of her bag and says, "I couldn't wait, so I bought it somewhere else closer to work." Just as "Visionary Philosopher" is peeling the "Pragmatist" off the walls and getting out restraining belts, said customer sees the faces of the others in the room, realizes how ungracious she's been and says, "You know, I think I'll buy that beautiful hand-dyed yarn after all." Ahhhhhh.

It isn't the behaviour of any community members that lead to the worst tension. Its that ever-elusive resource of time. With the open sitting room available during all store hours, it can be challenging to find time in the back office where the relentless work of keeping the engine running has to happen. Going over cash flow reports, ordering inventory, checking ad copy, answering emails, composing the weekly (well, almost) marketing email, cleaning the bathroom, writing patterns, writing a book (oh yes, just another little project in the works), developing new programs, creating a class/workshop/event schedule over and over and over....

When the shop is slow I might take advantage of that time to get something done in the office. What do if someone parks themselves in the sitting room? If there are two people, I am more comfortable leaving them talk amongst themselves. But if it is one, the hostess in me says it is rude to leave the person alone. She comes for connection. If she wants to be alone, she would have stayed home. Often, this person has something important weighing on their heart. They are seeking a sympathetic ear. They need to hear their dilemma out loud. They need to see a caring reflection in your eyes. I cherish these moments. I know that I have created what I set out to create when people come here for centering. Especially when it is not a designated time for a social circle. And I did create this. Being the creator obligates you to a certain responsibility (read Shelley's "Frankenstein" for an interesting diatribe on the impact of the creator abandoning, even resenting his creation.) so, I am inclined to sit and knit and listen and offer what I can. Simple things like allowing someone to be where they are - exhilarated, bleak, confused - not trying to fix it, simply accepting it so she can accept it and have a grounded place from which to move.

Meanwhile, I'm not getting the business done. And the business does have to be financially sustainable to support a space to host a community. They are inextricable. Finding the appropriate action at the appropriate time that ensure that both are supported is the single greatest tension point I experience. It rips at my heart. Failing at either is a personal failure. At my worst, the tension feeds into self-loathing. I pelt myself with accusations of worthlessness. At my best, I breathe and ask for the grace to wend my way through it all.

And really, that's the quest: a bit of grace.