Thrones and Goddesses

I went to the TNNA Tradeshow in San Diego last week. Before I left I walked into Circles to find a new piece of furniture in the Sitting Room. A rather large, creamy, cushy glider rocker. There was a card on it with at least 20 names saying, "Thank you."

Here I am wallowing in a sense of ineffectiveness and I'm handed what looks like a throne. It towers over all the other seating and its full of features. Its so cozy. The gliding movement is smooth and mesmerizing. Once I sit in it, I don't want to get up. I'm a bit overwhelmed by the thoughtful generosity. I can't say anything more graceful than, "Thank you, all."

Meanwhile, I went to the trade show (more about that soon) and stayed with my friend Susan who owns The Grove. I led a Greek Goddess Knitting Circle and we had a full house. I was concerned about being rusty because it had been a year and a half. Instead, I felt more in tune than ever. It was an 'introduction' circle to what is usually a much longer process, but it was still quite effective.

The women said they got a lot out of it. I felt better than I had in weeks. Alchemical Aphrodite was flowing through me for the first time in a long time. And I found myself definding the strategic, no nonsense Athena. Surprisingly, I was motivated to focus on Hera - the wife, the committer, the partner. She's probably a bit too quiet on my inner board of directors. Yet, I found that all conversational roads were leading to her. So, we spent the last hour and a half exploring the qualities of Hera.

And my time with Susan felt full of good energy. We spoke of being sister businesses. An idea we have tossed around before. But this time we had an idea of how to begin to build bonds between our two communities. (Go to the Circles message board for more on that.)

What to make of thrones and goddesses. While I struggle with self-worth and feeling rudderless, I am offered a throne and I visit with the Greeks.

The throne is an interesting symbol. As the hostess of a community, I have been likened to a Mother often. As much as I love my daughter and enjoy being a mother, I wouldn't say that my predominant personality trait is that of a mother. Demeter was the Mother and the Goddess of the Harvest. Before I had my child, I always had a garden, indoor plants and pets. Once I had a child, I seemed to be tapped out on my mothering energy. I haven't gardened, don't have plants in the house and I certainly don't deserve the continuing devotion of my dogs. I bristle a bit when people suggest that I'm the Mother of the Circles community.

What I don't like to admit, is that I am probably more of an archetypal Queen than a Mother. There have been moments in my life when people have told me I look regal. I assumed it was just because I'm tall. Did I mention above that Hera is The Queen. I resist Hera. She was the jilted wife. Hopelessly devoted to being defined as the wife of Zeus, she gets ferociously angry with the other woman, rather than her ever philandering husband. I don't like her. She seems the fool. And a destructive one, at that. But she is the only one who withstood Zeus' advances and trickery and aggression to force him to marry her before he could have her. Beyond that I can't tell you anything good about Hera. I lack appreciation for her.

I just googled "queen archetype" and came up with this. I'll have to see if I can hold this information and embrace it.

As for the goddesses, I realize I need to stay on the path of my heart. I didn't open Circles just to have a yarn store. The yarn store was a creative solution to earning a living while being accessible to my daughter. It was a business where I could let my creativity flow. Where I could host a community of women. And as a venue for following my intuition. I need to do those things that I am compelled to do. I find that right now, I am compelled to find a way to revive the goddess circles; I am compelled to pursue the travel circles; and I am compelled to find either an operating partner or a retail manager to run the shop while I pursue publishing patterns and books and continue building the unique blend of business and community that we have here at Circles.

So, I have compulsions. Now, how to gain momentum.....